The power of positive thinking

In my corner of the world spring is just about here. Flowers are blooming, the grass is green, the days are longer. So maybe it's time to think positive. I mean cancer can't be all bad, right? Cup half full and clouds with silver lining and whatnot. In honor of spring and optimistic thinking, I'm making a list of all the benefits of having cancer.

1. Save money on haircuts. Since starting chemo I've been losing increasing amounts of hair. I used to go to a nice London salon where surly girls with asymmetric hair styles give you a latte with your haircut. Last month I went to the old guy who cuts your hair for a tenner. One style fits all. I figure I've saved like £80 since getting Hodgkin's! Hair is overrated anyways.
2. No shaving hassles. For some reason my beard is growing at about 1/3 the normal rate lately so I don't have to shave nearly as much as I used to. It's probably the same thing with lady hair I would guess. Shaving is one of life's little annoyances that you get to avoid with cancer.
3. You get lots of nice presents. Since getting cancer people have given me lots of nice things. I've got a new blanket, a tea towel with the periodic table on it, and a nice bowl handmade by French monks. What a great haul! Top tip: Try to plan your cancer away from your birthday or Christmas, otherwise people will tend to "double up" and combine gifts. 
4. Guilt free slacking. Feeling nauseous is a bad thing, but surely this is outweighed by the fact that you can laze around without feeling like you should be doing something productive? I mean, getting rest is what the doctor told you to do, right? For instance while you're all working tomorrow, I'll be sitting on my couch catching up on episodes of the cultural car wreck that is my big fat gypsy wedding. Jealous much?
5. The ultimate excuse. Having cancer gives you the ultimate, airtight, invincible excuse. It's like dropping an atomic bomb all over an argument. Big work deadline coming up? Social occasion you really don't want to go to? Fuck it. Tell them you have cancer. Who can argue with that? Note that you shouldn't abuse this awesome power. For instance "how about you do the dishes tonight? I have cancer" might get the dishes done but it's not going to win you a lot of friends.